Tales of Potty Training

So you think you want to potty train? Here's my account of what first started as a 3 day program, and has become a nearly 3 week (and counting) experience...

How it began:
We were dragging our feet for awhile since we admittedly loved the convenience that diapers gave us. Cost and stink aside, we had a routine and minimal disruption to our lives. But then, the fear of delaying Josiah's development and guilt of being negligent parents set in...so we decided to start off the year with the 3-day "wet weekend" that people have sworn to. Josiah just turned 3 1/2 so it felt like the right time. Finally, we were a month from moving and wanted to tackle this before we had a new house to soil!

As instructed, we stayed indoors for 3 days straight, didn't make any plans, and turned off the TV (well, except for a cheat hour here and there). We made some other adaptations to the "rules" like keeping our phones on and not having Josiah go fully bottomless. Instead, we bought Gerber training diapers to have a bit of modesty in the process, especially with Samantha around!

We started the first day off with a "bye bye" diaper announcement and showed Josiah stickers and M&Ms he would get if he had a successful trip to the potty. We had a pile of books to read and tried to feign our excitement over the whole ordeal. We had juice flowing to keep Josiah's bladder going.

Daily Notes:


Day 1 (Jan 1) was hard because it was a sudden adjustment for everyone. Without the TV humming in the background, we had to make up new activities to keep us busy. The kids loved that. Right from the start, Josiah had a number of accidents and we were all dejected. We obsessed over asking "do you have to go?" like every few minutes, which made us all crazy. To be safe, we laid "chucks pads" around the house, which Josiah sat on nearly all day for security. He looked like a sad, punished doggy. And he seemed reluctant to stand up, for fear of having to go to the bathroom. The day ended with disappointment and lots of laundry. And as ambitious as we were about going cold turkey, the diaper went on at night.

Day 2 (Jan 2) - major improvement! Something seemed to click and Josiah only had one accident in the evening. We gave lots of praise and positive reinforcement and we all felt like champs. We thought perhaps this 3 day system really worked? And Josiah seemed to love going to the potty and having tons of books read to him, even if he sat there forever at a time. During our down time, we had lots of fun and even had a dance party with the minions...look at what you can do when the TV is off!

Day 3 (Jan 3) - by this point, we felt exhausted and dirty, since we didn't dare leave the other with the two kids alone, not even to shower. It felt like the early newborn days again! Unfortunately, this was the day of regression. Right from the morning, Josiah had an accident and it kept happening. He just couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, which led to lots of screams and "it's ok!" half-smiles. Part of it was that we stopped being as vigilant and couldn't help but turn the TV back on at times. And he started abusing potty time to just read, so we had to move out the books. Finally - there was a big celebration over his #2 in the toilet...we were losing our minds!  But other than that, we felt cheated by this 3-day method and bothered that Josiah didn't "get" it like other kids. And then we felt guilty that we were putting so much importance into it. He even said something like "I'm a bad boy because I have accident." So we were resigned to go back to diapers and try again later.

Day 4-8 (Jan 4-8) - we woke up thrilled that the weekend was over and we could escape to work! We were tempted to give up, but our nanny Maria decide to keep at it and do it her way! We were happy to relinquish control! She's way more risk-taking so just put on his underpants and went out. However, this meant a quick return home, run to the potty, and pee all over the floor. So, even she was dejected.  However, she kept it at it all week...what a courageous woman! However, this meant running the laundry every day.

Day 9 (Jan 9) - we had a Eureka moment this day and moved the portable potty right to the living room! Sure, it made it too easy, but we felt that Josiah needed a win. And once he had a couple successful moments, he had a change in swagger. Another brilliant idea was buying minion underpants and telling him not to get them wet. This seemed to click for him, although I don't think he realized that HE was the one making them wet. Lastly, we brought out lots of lollipops and put them on display so he could envision his possible rewards. Problem was keeping them away from Samantha, who continued to enjoy this whole process immensely :)

Day 10 (Jan 10) - first day really going out of the house, so we were anxious all day at church. We brought a portable 'potette' to church and basically just forced him on the potty all day and isolated ourselves to the side room. Good news was that he had no accidents there! Of course, he had accidents when he got home since we got lax again. At this point, he started acting up and getting goofy in order to cheer us up. That got me sad that he could feel our disappointment. And then #2 happened in the potty and we went absolutely buck wild. In celebration, he exclaimed, "I'm proud of you because you and Daddy go poo like me!" Huh?

Week 2 - fast forward and we have now graduated to Josiah standing up to pee!  This was actually an easier transition than we thought, but it was brought upon unintentionally. Basically, Maria found out the potty was leaking and had to desperately whisk Josiah to the adult toilet. It's since been SO much easier for him to go on his own. I think him being able to watch himself pee made him make the connection with his body and also gave him a sense of independence. He still rarely goes to the potty without us asking him numerous times, but we've found the key is to ask him every 45-60 minutes, turn off the TV, and bring him there before we leave the house and once we get to our destination. This structure has made it less stressful for all of us, and the accidents have been minimal. We even survived Chuck E Cheese and the shopping mall with this new routine.  We've tried to limit the screaming (from all of us) as we desperately run to the potty and try to make this as calm as a ritual as possible. Another tip we received (thank you Anna) was to watch Daniel Tiger's potty episode. Josiah loves chanting the song, "When you have to go potty STOP and be on your way..."

It still hasn't "clicked" but I think we are on the road, albeit a long one!  So, not quite the success story we were hoping for, but a good reminder to CHILL OUT, not force these developmental milestones, and not to put too much stock into these things happening a certain way.  It's also a reminder that behavioral change takes so much effort, so not to get too taken by quick "fixes". And finally, as stressful as this experience has been, this is nothing in the scheme of things! Why do these lessons keep coming up in my life?

New Year, Many Transitions...

Happy New Year! 

2015 came and went! This past month was especially filled with lots of family time, celebrating birthdays, Christmas, and vacationing in Aruba (equal parts relaxation and hard work with the kids). Despite the stress that comes with closing out the year, I hang onto the sweet memories we made. Here's a look at some highlights from December 2015 and my #2015bestnine, according to Instagram.

Samantha - 21 months

This little lady continues to surprise us daily. She's stealthy and scrappy...always observing, going about her own business, and defending her place when needed. And just like most 2nd children, she often gets deprived of the attention and rigor that Josiah got being the 1st. Yet still, she figures it out...has picked up her own shoddy rendition of the alphabet ("yum yum yum...P....woah woah woah...with me"), sits on the potty on her own, takes my phone (and often resets my password) and steals and hides toys from her brother. These days, all the fights are about their minion toys.

She's pretty quiet until provoked, and screams "hey!" or "share!" in a deep voice. These days she's been smacking Josiah in the face too, which gets her in trouble. She keeps a stoic and smug face for a few second and then bursts into tears. And then her fingers go right into her mouth to self-soothe, which we've been trying so hard to stop! But her stubbornness is winning out.

Samantha says things here and there, but not at all where Josiah was at that age. But you can tell she understands everything. She tends to mispronounce words (often replaces first letters of words with P - "pookie" (cookie), "picup" (cup), "poo" (soup), "pickup" (check-up). I wonder why that is?  We often catch her singing the Veggietales theme song but she only sings like every 5th word, so it's spastic and hilarious. Just like Josiah, she loves music and gasps when she hears "Uga" (Sugar by Maroon 5). She also wants to do everything her brother "Siyah" does, so she climbs into his chair, says "do it" whenever she wants a turn, and fiercely nods and says "yesh" when we figure out what she wants. She now proudly says her own name, "Peeta" :)

In Aruba, Samantha loved the water!  While she was tentative at first at the cold temperature of the water, she quickly got into in and could not be dragged away. When we put her floaties on, she kept pushing us away to let her swim on her own. Maybe she'll be a fish like me? Other random things - she loves babies and scrunches up her face and says "cuuuute" as she smothers them with kisses (and occasional hits), she dances to music with her fingers in the air (like fobby style), and has real bangs in her hair! I never knew bangs to be natural, so it's kinda interesting.

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Josiah - 42.5 months:

The most eventful change for Josiah this month was embarking on potty training. I'm going to dedicate a post to that experience alone, because it was pretty difficult and continues to be a challenge. Let's just say it was NOT the 3-day cure I had hoped for, it drew out lots of emotions and stress from all of us, and was a pretty eye-opening look at my parenting style...some of which I definitely want to change before too late.

Another big change was taking him out of daycare since we are preparing to move by the end of January. While not the biggest change out of those we were going to experience with the move, I was still worried about how he would take it. Interestingly, he hasn't really shown any emotion toward leaving nor acknowledged school at all. That's both a relief and a bit of a strange response to me...he rarely mentioned friends there or anything he did at school, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Let's hope he bonds more at his next school and handles saying goodbye to his nanny (gulp) in a healthy manner.

Not a ton of developmental milestones this month, just funny Josiah-isms that I've observed. He still loves music and is all about the Veggietales Worship CD (funny to hear him yell "my chains are gone, I've been set free!" at the top of his lungs). He also loves the minion rendition of "Y.M.C.A" and likes to dance and do conga lines to it. But, as loud and theatrical as he can be (always talking with wide arms and wild expressions), I think he's pretty introverted and loves playing with his toys by himself (or sometimes with us). He loves playing with his minion characters, making up stories and voices to go along with them, or pretending to go on picnics. He love stories in general and is constantly asking me, "are you tell me a story?", often requesting Goldilocks and Humpty Dumpty. He likes predictability so doesn't like it when I go too off-script or mentions anything "scary". He got back into books during our potty training days isolated in the bathroom with only books to keep us company. It's amazing to say but we watch very little TV these days!

His phrases and explanations have been getting more and more sophisticated and funny. He's that kid that is constantly chattering and stuttering to get out long trains of thoughts "excuse me? um...but...because...otherwise..ok?". Some recent phrases: "I so proud of you Mommy because you play with me everything", "Samantha is too grouchy", "Oh my Lord", "why does this always happen to me?", "I not doing anything" (when accused of something), "I suppose". And his most frequent line is "but that's ok!" when he's just done something to disappoint us, like pee on the floor. The funniest thing was when he told us, "I'm going to marry Samantita! We all going to get married!" I know every kid says this at some point, but it's still so funny.

Not to get too introspective, but there are some things about Josiah that I can't help but feel guilty about passing along to him. I hope he grows out of these things...or at least we can help each other work through them together! For example, he's very insistent in doing things a certain way. Even when listening to a song, he wants it sung a certain way. He's gets upset if I sing a part he was meant to sing, etc. Also, he's pretty OCD, always wanting his toys a certain ways, screams when his fingers look pruney after the bath, and freaks out when water gets in his eyes or when there is any sort of mess at the dinner table. I know I may be blowing up silly examples, but it's something I think about and want to focus on (without being too psychoanalytical).

What's Ahead:
If all goes well with our house process (which is nerve-wracking at the moment), we will be officially suburbanites in just 2 weeks! I'm excited/nervous/anxious/in denial/etc. about the snowball effects of this change on our lifestyles, but I'm trying to deal with change in a much more productive way than I have in the past! Knowing our kids are watching us and relying on us to handle change and unpredictable turns with faith and grace, is my motivation to keep growing in this way!