Back in the saddle...

Testing, testing...is this still on?

It's been awhile since I've blogged...not sure if blogging is even a thing anymore? :)
What got me started doing this in the first place was a desire to reflect and make sense of a tough time in my life. Transitioning to motherhood was not easy. Somehow writing about it made it more manageable. Despite all the joys and laughter, it was (and continues to be) a learning curve everyday. I thought being an adult meant having things figured out, when in fact it's completely the opposite!

Fast forward to today...the kids are older and past the physically taxing years. Gone are the diapers and potty "accidents" (I hope), the multiple wakings at night, the endless baby gear to trudge around. But as people foreshadowed, it hasn't gotten any easier. If anything, the day-to-day juggle has become more complicated with the added layers of school and extracurricular activities on top of my career getting more demanding each year. It's all good stuff that I try to be grateful for each day, but I admit that's not my natural response. Instead, I've found myself lately in a constant state of worry, trying to keep all the plates spinning in the air at the same time. And as much as I've tried to remember that "success" as a mom, wife, friend, business partner, etc. is my own self-imposed construct, it's so hard to let these expectations go.

I recently hit a wall and realized that this way of living is not sustainable and certainly not enjoyable. What I've come to realize is that the solution seems to lie in both 1) taking more control of what I say "yes" and "no" to, and 2) surrendering more. The latter is a much deeper topic for another time!

SAYING YES TO NEW EXPERIENCES

To the first point...one step I've taken is to try to carve time for myself. I know this may sound obvious, but up until recently, this only meant Netflix binging and online shopping :)

Back in April, I was asked by my friends, Chloe and Alexa, to run a 10K race with them and some other sisters from church. While every fiber of my being said I shouldn't do it, I somehow said yes. I think it was a combination of their skillful persuasion skills (promising me a yummy meal afterwards was brilliant) and my restlessness to break out of my routine.

After signing up, I was both shocked and exhilarated...which was then followed by regret and anxiety. I hadn't run a mile since high school gym class and remembering loathing the experience. I hate physical activity and cannot deal with sweat. This was probably not the best fit for me!

And yet, on June 15 - I did it! It was NOT a glorious victory, but rather a physical and mental struggle to the end. Had Chloe not met me step for step, I'm not sure if I would've stayed the course to finish. But crossing that finish line felt amazing, made even sweeter by the encouragement of family and friends.

Here are 5 takeaways from my "couch to 10K" experience. My hope is that this may serve as encouragement for someone else as well as a personal reminder for the next time I find myself in a rut.

1. Don't overthink it, just say yes! Half the battle is signing up. After that, you'll figure it out.
2. Don't go it alone. Surround yourself with people who have the experience and confidence that you don't! Literally, run the race together. Plus, going through significant milestones together only brings you closer.
3. Come up with a plan that works for you. Ask people for advice and then make it your own. I tried running plan apps, podcasts, music playlists, etc...but in the end, none of it really worked for me. I started getting stressed that I wasn't doing it "right" so I had to shift my focus on simply making personal progress (and doing more than nothing was easy. Low bar!).
4. Get the gear. Maybe this is analogous to "fake it til you make it". In the same way, To get started, I needed good sneakers, clothes, headphones, etc. to believe that I could actually run.
5. Just finish. Put aside visions of grandeur and just run/walk/slog your way through it, if needed.

Finally, one that I'm still working on - don't go back on the couch. I'm not going to lie and say that I love running now. And no promises on ever doing another 10K. BUT, I will say yes to another 5K and pushing myself in other ways where I've gone stagnant! I have a few ideas cooking in my head for new creative ventures and experiences. This is all a new head space for me and it's exciting!

Here's a pic of our running crew. Love you all!