2 years / 11 week update

Big boy swagger

My big boy is two years old!  He's no longer my little baby, although I still like smooching and cuddling with him as if he were.  He's already starting to pull away from these moments of affection, so I've got to enjoy it while I still can! He even began calling me "Jane" lately.  Where has my Momma's boy gone? :(

Atlantic City Boardwalk

Ocean Grove, NJ

We've had a busy month, trying to take advantage of the summertime as much as possible.  And since Shaggy's between jobs, it's been awesome to have him around to take day trips together and also relieve me from some of my maternity leave loneliness.  We spent one night in Atlantic City with Shaggy's mom, one night at my parents' place in central NJ, and a few nights at the Jersey Shore with the Rhees.  Preparing for each trip and dealing with the inevitable meltdowns (the kids and mine!) was stressful...but each trip got progressively easier.  I guess it's true that it just takes practice and acceptance of the craziness...and in the end, seeing how happy the kids are makes it all worth it.  Josiah had a blast soaking in all the new things - amusement park rides, the beach (hates the ocean, loves playing with sand), the zoo, strawberry picking, etc.  He's at such a fun age of wonder and discovery that it's been awesome having time to experience that together.  

Josiah continues to pick up new words and phrases each day and is able to cobble together sentences (clumsy, but cute!) to express what he wants.  Some of these include: "help...I stuck", "hey e'body", "whatchu doing?", "gimme diffent one", "mommy, sit!", "I sad, I cwy", "I make a mess", "eat in house", "oh boy oh boy","you betcha", "Tootles will help us" (based on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse show), etc.  While it's amazing how much he can say, he's still limited of course.  I can't wait until can understand the concept of time and consequences.  Until then, he wants what he wants NOW.  While probably a bit too late, we're trying to be firmer with him and will soon embark on disciplinary tactics like 'time outs'.  The hardest part will be actually following through and not just resorting to turning on a YouTube video to appease him.  Next month...

Summertime fun!

A big milestone this month is that we are finally binky free!  I took the advice of a friend and just cut his pacifiers and dealt with the confusion and rage for just a few days...and soon enough, he just stopped asking for them.  Miracle!. Of course, he found a quick replacement in his musical seahorse doll, but I'll take that as long as he doesn't shove it in his mouth!  Next challenge - potty training!  He's had a couple successful tries at the potty, but to be honest, I don't know if I have the patience/stamina to continue right now.  Although changing diapers is super annoying and smelly, it's also nice to have an accident-free (usually) option.  I realize it's my reluctance to try new things that's often holding us back!


SAMANTHA - 11 weeks:
The plight of the second child...with everything going on with Josiah, we often find ourselves not spending enough time doting and playing with Samantha!  That's partly due to the fact that she sleeps SO MUCH.  I know people say to be thankful for a sleepy baby, but really, it seems excessive how much time she spends with her eyes closed.  Around 8 weeks, she started sleeping through the night, sometimes even in 10 hour stretches!  I feel obnoxious complaining about this, but I get anxious that she's not eating enough.  I know, I know...she's fat.  But seriously, she never expresses hunger and actually has been having occasional bouts of vomiting (even projectile!) after just 10 minutes of slow drinking.  It really boggles my mind that she is still putting on weight, so I spend my days/nights worrying about her eating.  I think she may have reflux like her brother did at this age, so we're contemplating whether not to try Zantac.  I just hope she outgrows this soon - the vomiting always takes me by surprise and makes me so upset.  It's hard to know what's causing it too, and since I'm her food source,  I feel so responsible.  The current theory is spicy food, so I'm trying to cut it out completely and hope that helps.  Yet another reason why my commitment to breastfeeding is dwindling...but trying to hold on as long as I can.  That's a whole other topic for another day...

On happier news, Samantha's begun to smile and coo.  She likes hearing voices, and in fact, was babbling like crazy during a recent church service. She continues to have a sweet and calm disposition (when she's awake, that is)...but then will go from 0 to 60 all of a sudden and go berserk!  She had a recent meltdown at the beach when she heard the crashing of the waves, and she turned completely purple and started convulsing.  I hope this isn't an indication of her personality.  If so, don't mess with my little girl!

I'm enjoying these early months, but also eager to see her grow up and her personality emerge.  While some things are reminders of Josiah as a small baby, there are so many differences too.  For example, Josiah was a voracious eater, pooper, and a noisy baby overall (remember his constant squeaking and dancing feet?). Samantha is much quieter, yet also more forceful when she needs to be.  When she's upset or constipated, she lets you know with a sharp cry and strong kick of her foot!

On me...every day is still super hard and taxing on my physical energy and emotional state.  But similar to my early comment, time and acceptance has been the key to getting through each day.  Someone once told me that these are the "hunker down years" and that we just have to power through it.  That's been helpful for me to remember since that also means that the difficulty of it all will soon pass....and yet, new challenges will come!  I realize that as hard as this has been, it's also been really sweet and precious too.  The moral of the story is to enjoy every phase, even in its craziness, and not let it slip by.  I hope to stay true to that in my last month home before returning to work.  It's only going to get harder, but I pray that God grant me the grace and capacity to somehow handle it all, and even take time to enjoy it!

23 month / 6 week update

JOSIAH - 23 months:

Josiah is one month away from turning the big 2.  We've already gotten quite the sneak peak lately of how terrific and terrible these twos can really be. One minute he's offering hugs and kisses and being delightfully entertaining...the next, he's ignoring and defying everything that we say, screaming, and bursting into tears out of nowhere.  It's been a spectrum of emotion these days, but at least it's no longer directed at his baby sister.  After about two weeks of resistance he's come around!  Now, he runs over to her to hug her (a bit too tightly), will ask about her ("why baby sister cwying?"), and play around with her toys.  He even loves sitting in her bouncer, to the point of nearly breaking it with his 28 lb. body!

Josiah is our little parrot and repeats everything he hears, so we are trying to be more careful with what we say.  Some of his new phrases: "ok, I will", "gimme"  "you too", "wait", "let's go", "where are you?", "one mo", "no way" "okee dokee", "not nice" (referring to food thrown on the ground), and "oh boy".  He's also stringing together longer sentences and will use gibberish like "nukka nukka" as a filler for words that he doesn't know.  He is also picking up more Spanish and Korean and will use it depending on who's around him.  For example, he says things like "me llamo Josiah", "hola chica", and "muguh" (to eat, in Korean).

Speaking of food, his favorites these days are Korean miyuk-gook and miso soup.  The first time I gave him miso soup, he lunged at the bowl and wouldn't stop slurping!  He's also obsessed with strawberries ("strawberro") these days.  They are our best bribing tool when we're desperate!  He's getting very particular about things in general, so it's become a constant negotiation these days.  For example, he likes to pick out his clothes and shoes ("oh cuute!") and will not budge until we give him the exact color sippy cup he wants.

Some of his favorite activities these days are drawing ("color paper") and putting stickers everywhere.  Actually, he doesn't really color pictures himself, but rather directs us to draw for him.  He likes when we draw letters, numbers, and shapes for him...he really likes pentagons!  He also continues to be a sponge when it comes to music.  He knows every Disney Channel show and its opening song.  Every now and then he'll bust out a tune and be pretty spot-on with the melody and rhythm.  His favorite show is still Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and will constantly talk about the characters and some of their catch-phrases ("oh tootles!") like a broken record.  We just nod and try to match his enthusiasm, just to get him to stop talking about it!

We haven't really attempted potty training, and to be honest, I'm in no rush to deal with 'accidents' and middle-of-the-night potty runs.  However, his diapers are pretty nasty and he's become extremely unwieldy and uncooperative when changing him.   So it's a trade-off.  Every now and then, we'll have him sit on the potty just to understand the concept.  Even when he does nothing there, he'll have us all clap and cheer for him.  Another thing that we are dreading is weaning him off his "binky".  He will not go to bed without it and will even insist on picking the exact one he wants.  I know we just have to be tough and go cold-turkey one day, but we keep putting it off since the binky makes bedtime a cinch.  And I'm not ready to deal with that regression.  Perhaps we'll try when he turns two, which is when we also want to attempt some disciplinary tactics too.  Not looking forward to it...


SAMANTHA - 6 weeks:

Lil' miss Samantha couldn't be more different than her boisterous, crazy brother.  She seems pretty tough and serious (as far as babies can be) and hasn't yet graced us with a smile or a coo.  She keeps her eyes closed most of the time, even when awake, or will occasionally give us a pirate wink.  It's rare when both of her eyes are open, so it's such a treat when they are!  This has made picture-taking pretty challenging, as she will close her eyes the minute we take out the camera.  (Remember that episode of HIMYM where Barney could never take a bad picture? It's the opposite for our little girl!)

I used to think she was a chill baby, but she's turned out to be pretty high-maintenance these past weeks. She's a tease...she will be calm one minute, and then will burst out into high-pitched screams the next.  She likes to be held 24/7 and will fuss until she gets what she wants.  Even the bouncer, swing, and pacifier only temporarily soothe her.  And these days, due to gas and stomach pains, she seems to be constantly screaming, kicking, jerking her body around, and scrunching up her face until it turns purple.  It's pretty dramatic and makes nursing sessions even more exhausting.  I'm hoping this will get better as her stomach develops a bit more.  Luckily, as fussy as she can be during the day, she's been pretty good at night.  She's been waking up twice to eat, but hasn't really kept us up otherwise.

Samantha, or "Boticelli" as we sometimes call her, has become quite the chunker in these past few weeks. While our pediatrician was initially concerned by her weight loss in the first week, she's now exceeded his expectations by climbing up to the 99th percentile!  Not sure how this happened, since she still continues to be an inconsistent eater.  But it seems like she is following her brother's footsteps in this department!

Our little lady isn't very ladylike after all.  She's pretty noisy and constantly makes grunting, snorting, and farting sounds throughout the day.  She's strong too - I've had my arm scratched up with her nails and my necklace practically tugged off a few times!  And even though she's been blessed with a full head of hair, the downside has been grease and cradle cap (think baby dandruff) that's required lots of bathing to keep her fresh. On top of that, she's been plagued with baby acne all over her face and neck sweat.  So all-in-all, her vanity has suffered quite a bit!  I'm hoping all this will go away soon.  I miss the pure baby smell.

Josiah "feeding" his baby sister

ME: 34 years

Yup, I turned 34...one year away from 35.  Am I really that old?  It doesn't really bother me though, probably because I don't really believe it's true!

I had a great birthday, starting with dinner with my wonderful family and a night out in the city with the hubby.  It was so liberating to be out without the kids!  After being cooped up at home for 6 weeks, it felt so nice to get some time to myself.  We indulged on delicious sushi and sake, which was the first real alcoholic drink I've had in almost a year.  Man, it tasted good.  But I forgot about the effects of alcohol and woke up with the worst headache.

6 weeks of maternity leave have already come and gone, and I'll soon be dipping into my vacation and unpaid time off before venturing back to work in August.  In some ways, I'm eager to go back because I miss having structured and me-time during the day.  I miss simple things like having coffee and conversations at work.  However, I'm not in any rush either since going back will require figuring out childcare arrangements and being in a constant, stressful juggling act.  So for now, I'm in this limbo and trying to make the best of my remaining 9 weeks that I can.

Even though this is my second time going through it, I can't say this time at home has necessarily been much easier than the first time.  Even though I'm still really sleep-deprived, that part of it has just sort of become the "new normal".  In fact, it's amazing how my body just jolts awake every 3 hours like clockwork, regardless of how exhausted I am.  More than the physical fatigue, I struggle with the mental and emotional discipline of being at home all day.  I really miss having structure and interaction during the day and realize how much I need to *achieve* to feel good about myself.  Even though I'm at home really just feeding and holding the baby, the hours seem to just pass by so quickly.  And it sounds so ridiculous, but it's hard to find the opportunity to even shower or groom myself, let alone do anything productive throughout the day. I can't even imagine how much crazier things would be if Josiah wasn't being watched by our nanny during the day! So I have to be thankful for that.

Clearly, I'm not feeling in my element these days, but I've resolved to make these remaining weeks count and try to enjoy them a bit more.  Maybe I'll even venture out into the city one day with the baby!  I just have to push myself.  After all, I know one day I'll look back and miss having this time, as simple and uneventful as it may seem to me right now.

22 month / 2 week update

April flew by with a blur...and with it came the birth of our daughter, Samantha!  Thankfully, labor and delivery was MUCH better this time around (full story here)!  But as many mommies don't advertise, it's not the L&D that's difficult...it's the recovery and first two weeks that really smack you in the face.  The good news is once you get past that, it only gets better from there.  But it's definitely memorable enough to remind myself that I do NOT want to go through it ever again!

It's hard to believe that Samantha has been in our lives for only two weeks, yet has already altered our lives so significantly.  Baby weeks are like years...and since I've been held captive in my apartment, it's been pretty isolating and hard to remember what life was like beforehand.  Being my second time around, it's not as jarring as the first time.  I hate to say it, but I now realize how much *easier* it is to be with a newborn now that I've experienced the demands of a toddler...I mean, all she really does is sleep, eat, poop, and make horse-like grunts all day long!  However, it's still been hard as heck with the sudden loss of sleep, pain from healing, and nonstop demands/concerns of nursing.  I know I shouldn't complain about her being a really sleepy kid, but this has meant lots of prodding and bothering to get her to eat...which is exhausting!  Luckily, having help from Shaggy, my mom, sister, and visits from other family and friends has made an incredible difference in giving me time to rest and some company to break up the monotony.  Plus, since my appetite has been through the roof lately, their gifts of food have been especially appreciated!  Whoever hyped up pregnancy cravings was wrong!  My post-pregnancy cravings have been insatiable - all I can think about are donuts, Korean bread, and hamburgers all day long!  This is not going to make losing my pregnancy pooch easy...

Of course, the key difference this time around is caring for a toddler at the same time.  How do you parents of 2+ children do it?!?  Even with help, Shaggy and I have felt so harried trying to juggle the needs of both kids at the same time.  Having our nanny around has been critical for Josiah -  not sure how I would make it through the day otherwise.  She's been able to provide him with structure and attention so that I can focus on attending to Samantha and getting in some naps during the day.  And since Sammy had some initial issues with feeding and inadequate weight gain in the beginning, it was important to give her our undivided attention.  That said, I've really missed my quality time with Josiah and try to scrape by any time with him that I can get.  Next to Samantha, he now seems like this massive man-child!  It's hard to believe that he was once a small and helpless baby....although, for those who remember, he was a feisty and unique kid from the start!

As natural as they may be, it's heartbreaking to see Josiah go through such conflicted emotions these days. When he's in a good mood, he's GREAT.  He plays well both independently and with others, loves goofing/hamming around, and enjoys singing and dancing around to music.  However, when he's upset, he will cling to us, scream/cry, and have complete meltdowns.  He varies between demanding ("Mommy HUG!") and rejecting ("No, No, No!") us, depending on his mood.  While he's curious about his "baby seester", he pretty much ignores anyone who is holding her.  But with each day, he seems to be coming around bit by bit.  He likes to look at the baby monitor, touch her bouncer and swing, and sometimes even give her a kiss.  As sweet as he can be, we still have to watch him like a hawk since he's made a few swipes at her already!

With his pent-up energy and a bit more courage these days, Josiah has been loving his daily trips to the playground and playdates with kids in the building.  He's still pretty careful (says "ouchie" and "sowee" constantly), but more willing to try new things.  While he still is a bit timid physically, he's completely confident with his verbal skills.  His new phrases these days are "good morning", "good night", "scuse me", and "have fun".  He continues to be a complete chatterbox and socializes with everyone in he comes into contact with in our neighborhood.  And now that he has been learning a bit of Spanish (he can recite 1-10) and Korean, and repeating everything he hears, his gibberish has become even more indistinguishable!  But generally speaking, he's expressing so much more these days and is very assertive about what he wants...which is usually "Disney Channel" or "Veggie Tales", which he chants on a 24/7 basis!  He loves to sing along to the theme songs and has such a great memory for the melodies and even detailed inflections.  I love when he randomly breaks into song, proudly chanting his ABCs, "Happy Birthday", "Let It Go" or any other new song he's picked up. He loves jamming on his doggie guitar alongside his Daddy.  Can't wait to get him started on music lessons!

Welcome Samantha!

On April 18th (Good Friday) @ 3:20 AM we welcomed Samantha Eden Lee to the world!  I did not expect for her to make an early debut - in fact, I was praying fervently about having at least the Easter weekend to enjoy before her arrival!  It sounds really silly in retrospect, but I was just anxious about the whole labor & delivery process and wanted to avoid reality as long as I possibly could.

It all started on Thursday, April 17th, when I woke up with an upset stomach that sent me immediately to the bathroom.  I felt pretty crummy, but didn't want it to ruin my day since I had made lunch plans with a fellow pregnant friend, Kaye.  I had been resting / working from home all week, so was looking forward to finally getting out of the house on such a beautiful day.  We had a great time at lunch and even joked about the possibility of me going into labor that day.  First of all, April 17th was one of the induction dates that my OB had suggested to me, which I declined because I was hoping for things to occur naturally this time around.  Also, my good friend, Wendy, had just delivered that morning, which made things feel more imminent for me.  Lastly, Shaggy just had a "feeling" that I would give birth on Good Friday.  He had no basis for that feeling, but his gut is often correct in these types of situations...

By evening time, I was still feeling a bit under the weather, but Shaggy convinced me to go out to dinner since it may be our "last time" in a while!  The three of us went to Son Cubano across the street and enjoyed the food and music (Josiah was bopping to the techno beats).  My stomach was still sensitive, so I just had a salad (very unlike me...should have seen that red flag!) and complained of feeling nauseous the whole time.  After dinner, I just laid on the couch watching TV and was complaining about heartburn and stomach pains.  Shaggy asked if these were contractions, and I insisted they were not.  However, by 10:30ish, my groans were regular enough that he started timing them...and like classic textbook contractions, they were 5 minutes apart.  I still insisted it was nothing and probably would've laid there all night if I could...but he called the on-call OB service and they told us to come to the hospital immediately.  We called our nanny to watch Josiah overnight while we drove off to the hospital.  I cried on the way there - this was just not the way I had pictured it.  I did not feel ready.  I didn't like going to the hospital in the nighttime.  I was afraid of having complications again.

It only took 20 minutes to get to Columbia and the hospital looked deserted.  Even the valet was off duty, so we just left our car in the driveway, which was unsettling.  I soon learned that being admitted in the middle of the night was actually a plus.  The process was quick and the hospital seemed much more serene than the craziness of the day.  Once I was assigned a triage room around midnight, a doctor examined me and confirmed that I was already 4 cm dilated!  Woah.  Luckily, my doctor happened to be on-call that night so would handle the delivery herself that night.  That was an answer to prayer.  As we waited, I flipped through some gossip magazines and Shaggy took unflattering pictures of me laying there, awaiting what was next.  At first, it didn't feel too bad...but as the contractions started ramping up even further, I begged the nurse to get me an anesthesiologist soon to get my epidural.  Once I was carted off to my beautiful L&D room, the long prep for the epidural began.  I always start humming whenever I get scared, so once the doctor was about to inject the needle into me, I sang the first song that came to my mind - Arirang!  No idea why such an old-school Korean song came into my mind...but I went with it.  It only took a few minutes for the epidural to set it, and soon I felt a warm tingle come over my body.  Ahhh.  I was a happy camper and looked forward to a few hours of serenity again.  Unfortunately, my slumber was short-lived because around 2:45 am, my doctor announced that I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing.  WHAT?!? 

I reluctantly agreed and got into position.  Unlike the last time, I did not have an entourage of doctors and nurses in my room, so I was much more comfortable.  I also didn't have my iPod blaring music in my ears, so I felt much more 'present' this time around too.  As I started pushing, I couldn't feel a thing.  That would ordinarily be awesome, but unfortunately that meant that I didn't have enough sensations in my body to know if I was pushing or not.  To help remedy the situation, my doctor propped up a mirror so that I could visualize what was going on.  Eww.  I initially declined because I felt weirded out by the idea.  But after several unsuccessful pushes, I finally relented, but still couldn't get over what I was looking at. Once I was making better progress, my doctor actually instructed me to push only lightly, to avoid major tears like last time.  So after 40 minutes of pushing and some weird squirming sensations later, Samantha was here!  She let out a big scream like her big brother, but stopped as immediately as she began.  There was some meconium in the fluid, so thankfully the doctors confirmed that she was fine and had not ingested any in utero.  Also, I had torn just a bit during delivery, but much less so than before.

As I held her for the first time, I definitely felt more of an instant bond with her than I did when first with Josiah. I tried nursing right away, but not very successfully - seems we both had a lot of learning to do together.  I had forgotten how little these babies are in the beginning, so I enjoyed cuddling with her and seeing her naturally fold into my arms.  I was also amazed by how similar she looked like Josiah upon birth, although with some key differences: 1) her full head of jet-black hair; 2) long, skinny legs, fingers and toes; 3) lots of fuzzy hair and pimples on her back; 4) she's an extremely sleepy baby who rarely kept both eyes open at once.

By the time we moved to the recovery room, it was nearly sunrise.  Can't believe all this happened in the dead of the night...and that we were greeting the day with a new baby!  We decided to name her Samantha, after Shaggy's late-father who passed away around the time that we found out we were pregnant.  We gave her the middle name "Eden" to represent God's original creation and promise of a new heaven and earth.  Being that she was born on Good Friday, these names carried an even more profound meaning for us.

It was lonely being in the recovery room by myself while Shaggy raced back home to attend to Josiah, but I was determined to be more self-sufficient this time around, which was hard being attached to IVs.  I spent my hours trying to nurse Samantha, but was left frustrated since she just did not want to latch!  When I wasn't feeding, I tried to sneak in a few hours of sleep before family came by to meet the new baby girl!  I was especially anxious to see how Josiah would react to her, which ended up being ambivalent!  He basically ran over to her, banged on her bassinet and said "knock knock", and then ran the other way.  He refused to sit still for any photographs with Samantha, but instead kept asking for hugs from us.

I was only in the hospital for two nights, but it felt like an eternity and missed my family and home like crazy.  My parents stayed with Josiah that weekend, so this gave Shaggy the chance to spend the daytime with us at the hospital.  Honestly, just having him there beside me on the hospital bed, smuggling me yummy food (Tomoe sushi was the highlight!), and holding Samantha while I took naps, was probably one of the more *romantic* times we've had in a while.  I know it sounds silly, but we haven't had any real time to ourselves in a long time, so it was sweet to be able to experience the early days with our new baby together.

That said, on Easter morning, I was ready to bust out of the hospital!  Once we got home, it was a different form of mayhem, but good to be in the comfort of my home with family by my side.  The next few days were filled with continuous attempts at nursing, until she finally latched on he 4th day...way to keep me waiting, Samantha!  I have a feeling this little girl is going to run my life completely...

21 month update

Josiah's morning stroll

It's Spring!  After a long and bitter winter, it's finally warming up.  And it's about time - it's freakin April!!!  I definitely take my cues from the seasons, because I also feel like I'm slowly coming out of hiberation and facing the changes ahead.  I'm 37 weeks along, so officially full-term.  EEK.  I'm still not feeling "ready"...my list of things to-do is still miles long...but then again, are we ever fully prepared for major changes in life?

One reason/excuse for my unpreparedness is because I've been so busy at work, up until recently.  The first part of March just flew by since I was pulling late hours planning for a major event in Philadelphia.  It took up so much of my time and attention, but was both a rewarding accomplishment as well as an opportunity to tag on a quick getaway to Philadelphia once it was all over - our last trip as a family of three!  Not only did it feel nice to end on a high note, it was also a natural point to start winding down once it was over.  Since then, I've been in transition mode at work, which has been both satisfying and difficult at the same time.  I think it's back to me being resistant to change.  But at least this has also forced me to focus on the impending birth of my baby, which has also opened up a rollercoaster of emotions that I've apparently been holding back!  For example, I burst into tears while watching the How I Met Your Mother finale, much to the confusion of my hubby!  And I've been struggling with insomnia lately, tossing and turning in bed obsessing over stupid things like not being able to find one of Josiah's toys, or thinking about how ways to organize our apartment.  On top of these outbursts, I've been having a lot of physical discomfort lately - recurring tightness in my belly (Braxton Hicks contractions?), back soreness, and most of all - terrible leg cramps at night.  And not just regular cramps, but persistent, stabbing pain that wakes me up screaming and takes like 30 minutes of desperate flexing and maneuvering to subside.  My doc suggested that I drink more milk, so I've taken that to mean lots of ice cream at night!  While my 1st pregnancy was a breeze (physically, that is), this one has definitely taken a toll on me.  Perhaps it's being a bit older, carrying a girl (who happens to do somersaults all day), carrying bigger than last time,  or a combination of these factors.  In any case, I am so not that 'glowing' image of expecting motherhood that some women can pull off!


Cuddles!

I doubt that Josiah has any idea of what's going to hit him in the next few weeks.  However, his nanny insists that he does, given that he's been exhibiting recent mood swings toward me, ranging from ultra-clingy to utterly disinterested.  As of today, he's back to only asking for Daddy.  She claims this is a sign that things are going to happen very soon, but I refuse to believe her.  Aside from these random mood swings, Josiah's been a pretty happy camper this month.  He's less picky during meals (but faves still are eggs, rice, cheese and fruit), goes down for bed much more easily (just points to the crib, asks for his binky, and waves goodbye), and listens to us relatively well.  He's still got his sass though, and will still give us the occasional tantrum, eye-roll, food chucked on the floor, or flat-out "no no no" response.  But generally speaking, these moments have not been too unmanageable or long-lasting.


He also had his first dentist appointment this month (with Dr. Wendy!) and predictably freaked out throughout the cleaning...but at least no cavities to report about!  As we were in the waiting room, he set his sights on a rolling kitchen set and hasn't been the same since!  I've never seen him love a toy so instantly, so of course we had to buy it right away.  Since then, he's been pushing around his kitchen around the house and pretending to cook food all day long.  Literally from the moment he wakes to when he goes down for bed, he is clutching a pot, "muck and cheese", and utensils ("f$%k", "spoo" and "nice").  It's really cute and strange at the same time, since he hardly see us cooking at home.


Obsessed with his rolling kitchen set

Josiah continues to pick up funny phrases from his nanny like "watch out!", "careful", "no touch", and "oh boy!"  He also readily uses "please?", but quickly followed with an "OK!" in confidence of getting what he wants!  He throws around some Spanish too, like "mucho frio", "pollo" and "pan".  He's a pretty well-known kid in our building and block, and I even heard someone in the elevator calling him "that baby that talks a lot", which is surprising because he can be super friendly to strangers, but often really shy toward our friends.  He's been retaining a lot from his books and TV shows too and will randomly recite something that he's memorized.  We initially felt guilty exposing him to so much TV, but these moments of make us feel a bit more justified...and plus, we are such TV fiends ourselves so it's hard to be role models here!


Josiah still loves music and has started a weekly music/dance class in our neighborhood.  It's so expensive for what it is, which is just clanging on instruments and dancing to music, but we succumbed to it since we want to start getting him out of the house and into some organized activities.  My fear is that he will remain a "wild animal" without some socialization soon!  And he really does love the class and has picked up some new dance moves, including spinning around in circles.  Now that the weather is nicer, we are looking forward to getting out of the house more often and exposing Josiah to new activities outdoors.

Finally, this month was also significant for Shaggy and I, as we celebrated our 5th year anniversary.  We celebrated with dinner at a cute little restaurant called LeFarm in Connecticut.  It's so rare to have time to just ourselves, so we appreciated the time to just savor good food and reminisce about the past five years that have flown by.  Looking ahead to the next 5 years, my hope and prayer is that our moments ahead be filled with joyful expectation, gratitude, and humor!

Happy 5 year anniversary to us!

20 month update

Josiah is 20 months old...only a few months shy of being a 2-year old!  It's crazy to look at him and see how much he's grown and even changes with each day.  He continues to be a cheeky boy, always entertaining us with his goofy antics and expressions.  His verbal skills continue to rapidly advance, now starting to cobble sentences together like "where Daddy go?", "I find Daddy!, "Oh milk!" (when he's looking for it) and "bye binky" (when he's ready to put it away).  He's also begun to say his name ("Sha sha" or "Ziyah") and express possessiveness like "my daddy" or "my blankie".  He is also reciting a few Spanish words that his nanny taught him like "musica".  Whenever he sees a guitar or hears a song he likes, he shakes his body and chants "musica! musica!".  My all-time favorite phrase of his is when he says "bye, see you, ciao" and blows a kiss goodbye.  What a suave kid.

His food vocabulary has also increased and are some of his favorite words  I guess he's always thinking about food, like his Mama.  He's constantly asking for his favorite treats - apples, oranges ("ohjee"), banana ("mynana") rice ("wice"), goldfish crackers ("gofish") and fries ("wise"), which is a good reflection of his diet these days.  Yup, my taste buds too.  He often asks for these with a toothy grin when he's trying to stall before going to bed.  In general, he knows how to get us to laugh, especially when we're trying to be firm with him, whether it's by pressing his face against ours, lifting our shirts to blow on our bellies, or saying gibberish like "deedo deedo".  He gets the most positive reinforcement from his grandma and grandpa, so he's especially silly and giddy when they come over.

Aside from these silly examples, Josiah is also exhibiting more independence and particularities.  He likes to sweep the floor, grab a wipe (or dryer sheet) to clean surfaces, and put things away (only to take them out again, of course).  He's sensitive about getting his hands dirty and will scream "ouchie" when he has crumbs to clean off.  He's pretty tidy, in general.  The other day, he pulled off his dirty socks and ran into his room.  I assumed he ran to put them away in the hamper, but instead, put them in his clean sock drawer.  Not perfect, but close enough!

This was another busy month, pronounced by tough work deadlines, a business trip to Philly, and more bouts of bad weather.  However, despite it all, Shaggy and I were able to fit in a babymoon (sans Josiah!) to Turks & Caicos, which was wonderful!  I was really anxious preparing for the trip and getting ready to miss our little guy, but thanks to our amazing babysitters (who also got the gift of the stomach virus from little J), we were able to enjoy 3 nights of R&R.  As much as we missed Josiah, it was sooooo nice (and weird) to sleep in every morning and spend our days lounging on the beach.  And like they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.  The time away made me appreciate Josiah even more...and I think the feeling was mutual! Having Josiah run into my arms and scream "mommy mommy!" was the sweetest welcome ever :)

Since coming back from our trip, Josiah seems to be a bit more wary of us leaving him and seems to want to cuddle more than before.  Sleeping at night has been okay, but there are still those off-nights when he just won't go down easily, or when he wakes up in the middle of the night to play.  On some nights, he'll point to the bed in his room and say "sleep", indicating that he wants to go there instead of the crib.  As much as its important to be firm, we've relented a number of times and ended up sleeping with him there.  We have definitely not been very consistent with our discipline, but whatever...I keep telling myself I'm going to firmer with the next baby!

Speaking of Baby Girl, it's just a bit less than 2 months before she makes her debut.  As much as I want to meet her and re-experience some of the sweet infant moments that flew by the first time...I am SO not ready!  I'm still laser focused on wrapping up my work (sounds ridiculous when I write it out) and have not done a thing in terms of getting all the baby gear ready.  I'm definitely a proponent of keeping the baby in the belly as long as possible, even as uncomfortable as it's been.  I swear it's been harder this time than the first.  I'm constantly groaning from soreness, waddling from side to side, yelping from constant kicks, and burping from discomfort. I have Braxton-Hicks contractions every now and then and have already started wearing Lansinoh pads with lanolin cream (sorry if TMI) due to itchiness.  Glamorous, huh?  Maybe it's because I was carrying small the first time around, but I feel like this experience has just been dramatically different.  And all that said, I can objectively say that my pregnancy has been pretty uneventful.  Hope that doesn't dissuade future moms-to-be out there! :)

If there's any doubt, here's a picture that makes it all worth it - Josiah hamming it up over Facetime with his Eemo Esther!

19 month update

Visiting Morocco (at EPCOT, that is)

2014 began with a running start...not to mention with one of the coldest winters that I can remember.  We escaped the "Polar Vortex" with a vacation to Orlando with my parents, even though some days were only as "warm" as 40 degrees!  The trip started out rocky due to flight delays and Josiah being extremely sick with roseola (spiking 104 degree fever, rash all over his body), but luckily got better with each day.  We managed to fit in some days at the pool, a trip to EPCOT, outlet shopping, and even a few hours at the spa.  All in all, it was great to get away, make new memories, and see Josiah really bond with his "Hami" and "Habi".  

Josiah is acquiring new words everyday - he can recite his ABCs, numbers from 1-10, lines from his books, and even phrases like "Dear God" (when we start to pray), "come on", "oh no", "it's ok" and "see you".  Communication is also starting to become a bit more two-way.  Here is a sample conversation from the morning:

Me: Hi Josiah!
J: Hi.  Mulk?
Me: Ok, I'll get you milk.
J: Ank you (grabs the sippy cup, chugs some milk, throws the cup aside, puts pacifier back in his mouth).  .
Me: All done?
J: All done.  VO? TV?
Me: You want to watch a video?
J: Yesh
Me: Ok. Let's come out and have yummy yummy.
J: Appo (apple)?  Ojee (orange)? Sack (snack)?  Geem (seaweed)?
Me: How about a banana?
J: Yea!  Ah ah ah! (opens mouth wide)
Me: (Gives banana and turns "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" on TV)
J: Mickey!  (squeals and starts dancing)  Sit? (pounding the couch)
Me: Ok (lifts him onto the couch)
J: (cuddles with his blankie and pops his paci back in his mouth)

We still have a long way to go before actual conversations, but it's so nice to have feedback, even if rudimentary.  I guess the only downside to his communication is that it's been paired with increased stubbornness and defiance when he doesn't get his way.  Getting him to do something he doesn't want leads to screaming, running away, and a few times even biting.  He at least has learned to say "sowee" when he does something bad, but I have not yet seen genuine remorse in his eyes during these moments!  

Wearing Grandpa's slippers

He's VERY clear when he doesn't want something.  For example, he doesn't seem to want me to sing to him at bedtime anymore.  Whenever I start singing "God is so good", he'll wave his little hand in my face and say "no no no" and "byeee", gesturing for me to leave. Humph!  Since we've had our ups and downs with nighttime sleep again this month (long story short - our current solution is shortening his naps to 2 hours a day), I should gladly accept this outcome...but it's still hurtful! =P

Speaking of hurt feelings, he's back in a daddy phase and treating me like chopped liver!  He's always looking for Daddy and even says "Shaggy" to make sure he gets his attention.  He even called me "Daddy" once!  And even worse - the other day when I came home from work, he ran over to our nanny instead of coming to hug me.  Sigh...even though I know it's not indicative of real attachment, it's still a bummer.  I hope this at least this may make the arrival of Baby #2 less traumatic for him (and me) when we'll have less time for each other.

Regarding pregnancy - I can't believe I'm 29 weeks along...this is starting to feel REAL folks!  The past few weeks have felt harder physically with more leg cramping, shortness of breath, and frequent trips to the bathroom (Baby Girl likes to punch my bladder constantly).  Even the most mundane tasks of putting on socks can feel like the hardest work-out in the world.  Was it like this the last time I was pregnant?  Man, I am the queen of selective amnesia because I seriously have no recollection.

Since my last blog post, I have to say that I am starting to turn a corner and actually get excited about having another baby.  Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's having seen an up-close picture of her in my latest ultrasound, maybe it's answered prayers...I feel much more grateful and optimistic about things these days.  Also, I'm trying to make a conscious effort to "enjoy" this phase a bit more and to embrace the craziness that comes with being a pregnant, working mom with a toddler.  Stress/mess/forgetfulness happens!  Even though just a short amount of time has elapsed, I'm trying to laugh more, let things like food on the floor and tantrums just happen, and not freak out as much.  I hope this stint of positive thinking lasts!

Before Baby Girl comes, I want to enjoy the limited time we have left as just our family of 3.  While Josiah has become more high maintenance with each passing month, he also gets funnier and sweeter. And watching his glee while discovering Legos, hearing an upbeat song (the other day, it was Thriller by Michael Jackson), and splashing water in the sink makes me want to slow down time and not let these moments fly by too quickly.

Our family of 4